Applicable to anywhere

Any city (town, countryside, middle of nowhere?!... e.t.c) can turn like this, lets generalise here.

'Those spots, your spots, the ones that you so willingly shared with that first person you loved in this city, are now poisoned.'

I do agree; that cafe spot, the tube station you would awkwardly wait at, the places you find amazing and show them for their first time, even those that you end up exploring together.

Or, maybe we should just treat them as places. 'Tis funny what our brain associates with the happy and sad. Personally, well if you focus on the good times you had from the places that cause the nostalgic twinge- surely the beauty now is passing on all of your delights to the other companions in your life.

Infatuation of learning something new

It's articles like this why I love love love Thought Catalog. Times like this, being now (why would you waste it?), get off your arse and go, do it, run around...

Here's a quote from one of my favourite films, Almost Famous:

'Who needs a "crowd?"  You're unique.  You're two years ahead of everybody.  Take those extra years and do what you want.  Go to Europe for a year!  Take a look around, see what you like!  Follow your dream! You'll still be the youngest lawyer in the country.  Your own great grandfather practiced law until he was 93. Your dad was so proud of you.  He knew you were a pronominally accelerated child.'

It's your adventure.

These words probably describe best where I am with mine right now. I wish I could should be writing like this:

'I think it’s why we love cities. Living in a town just big enough to be cripplingly small, I thought it would be impossible to be in one for more than five minutes without falling in love with something. And we do, for a moment. We fall in love with our strange new neighbors who make more noise as two people than your entire neighborhood did before, with the smell of cigarette smoke, with the way crusty bread feels when you tear it off at a new restaurant — all things that eventually slip into the grating or the prohibitively expensive but which are, for a few moments at a time, wonderfully infatuating.

And we see things in our cities that we hate, almost as many as we love. We keep a tally of all the ups and downs of being in this big new place, wait until the negatives spill over into every part of our life, and then we leave again. We get sucked into a lovely little daydream, standing in front of beautiful architecture and breathing in the smell of rich, warm food, where we feel that this is everything we were looking for. And then a group of obnoxious teenagers walk by, spitting and throwing their cigarettes on the ground. There is only so much a city can provide, and we can either keep moving from location to location, or we can find something new in ourselves to enjoy. A book, a hobby, a new group of friends in a brand-new bar.

We are constantly running, looking for the perfect combination of being alone and being together to make things always feel good. We might need to be in love to see things the way they’re meant to be seen, but not necessarily with a person — just as our city can’t save us, neither can being with someone simply to fill the silence. Sure, to fall in love with a person would be nice, but when you are actively searching for romantic love you’re almost destined not to find it. You can’t waste your time, your youth, your beautiful surroundings waiting for someone to validate it. I would be happy with just being in love with a good book, an opera, a philosophy I overheard in another conversation and turn around in my head until it settles like a fine dust over everything I believe.

It’s hard not to feel sometimes like you’re running around in circles, trying to distract yourself with a new partner or a trip to somewhere fresh and exciting, like you can’t ever stand still. I want the infatuation of learning something new, of discovering something about myself, the thrill of the small joys that don’t cost anything and don’t require anyone else’s presence. I want to be infatuated with myself, to feel like I am enough, and I so rarely do.

I want that falling feeling, that obsessive interest with all that’s around me, with all that I’m capable of. And most importantly, I want that infatuation to come from not where I’m standing, not from who I’m standing with, but from just how beautiful my life is on its own, from how wonderful it is to be alive, how much I am worth just by myself.'

Tube sock

Today there was a single black sock on the tube platform as I got out at Moorgate station.

Thought you all might like to know.

Some of the great things I've read today

And now I'm ready to start the day and also meet up with a life long friend :)


Have a good bank holiday weekend everyone! BREAKFAST TIME!!!

3. Make your bed — it makes the entire room look cleaner.

4. Write out a list by hand. Google may have invented every list-making tool on the planet, but writing it down commits it to memory — and, contrary to popular belief, not every place has internet.

8. Don’t feel the need to fill gaps of silence with blathering comments. That makes you sound like an idiot.

9. Visit one random blog (or five) a day that makes you happy and gives you the motivation to get through the day. If you like food, go check out photos on Tastespotting. If you like to transport yourself into other people’s heads, visit Pinterest. If you like doing fun activities, visit Soul Pancake. There’s something for everyone.

10. Realize when it’s not working out and move on — apply that to whatever situation you wish.

11. If you feel it, do it. The only thing you will lose is the what-if’s because you didn’t try.

12. Sometimes you need to cry. While crying alone is fine, the best cries seem to come when someone else coaxes them out of you by telling you the truth about a circumstance in your life. The tears come, the weight lifts, and then you can fix it.

13. If you can’t make it to something, be honest and say why. I’d rather hear someone be honest and say “I hate that place,” or “I have no money,” than “Can’t — sorry!”(May be we should work on saying 'actually, I just don't fancy doing that')


15. Get your stuff together the night before. Make sure your clothes are clean, your keys are in your bag, and you have your lunch. More mistakes can be made and items forgotten (and repercussions felt) in the 15-minute rush it takes to get out of the door than in an entire day.

16. One day a week, walk to your destination instead of ride. Guess who just got their exercise in?


17. Curb impulse buying and go grocery shopping once a week. Knowing you have at least a loaf of bread, a box of cereal, a frozen dinner, a dozen eggs, pasta, and a can of soup in your fridge can save you from thinking “What’s for dinner?” and ordering $25 takeout.

23. Slow down. The minute you realize — as clichéd as it is — that life really is a journey and not a marathon, the better off you’ll be.

26. Ask for help. Knowing that someone you trust has your back and is looking out for your best interest creates calm for your brain.

27. Whatever it is, just do it.

amen

'But for now, I realize I am 100% content with being alone, mostly likely because I’ve spent most of my life not alone: I’ve been in back-to-back relationships since I was 13, with only a few weeks or months in between. It’s kind of scary, really. It’s like I started dating and just never stopped, and it only recently occurred to me how insane this was this past New Year’s when I found myself at the club, at midnight, in the middle of a horde of kissing couples, totally and completely single on New Year’s Eve for the first time in ten years. Scary and exhilarating, like I had I had grown a new set of limbs.

what being single by choice has made me realize is that being in a relationship shouldn’t be something you need; it should be something you want. It should come from the desire to share an experience rather than the desire to be completed. You have to feel secure in yourself before you bond with someone else or it won’t work. So, because I still have a lot of work to do on myself before I’m ready to share, I will spare you interested ladies the heartbreak (heh) and remain cheerfully single until then.'

OK

I suppose I am that dick who wants to tell everyone that everything will be ok. Because it has to be, doesn't it? Even if we don't believe it at the time, there's a new side to everything.

Love and writing

This story just sums up the beautiful amazing wow, that the words we write can provide.

mmm bop! Time for breakfast

Happy Friday!

Happy Friday everyone!

I hope your weekend is going to be a great one- mine has already started well, I've been paid and received a nice 'Big' coffee from 'Eat' for free (!) from Monica :) Thank you!

As good/bad as it is, coffee is one of the few things which can zap my brain back into shape when I'm feeling a little urghnaaahhhh. Bad, because it inhibits iron absorption- but my tablets seem to be helping well with that!

Anyways, I'm sure there are more interesting things to talk about other than my nutrition skype (yes, I just used a product name as a phrase!).


Today work will finish at three, and at five I shall begin to celebrate my good friend Matt's (poo face) birthday! A friend of mine sent me a picture of a card from Urban Outfitters which would go well with Matt's personality... and face...

I'm not a huge card buying person, so if Matt reads this he can see my affections through a blog post.

Later, we will be at Browns in Bank to start the fiasco. This place is a favourite of mine and they do the best fishcakes I've ever had (not sure if that says more about the fishcakes I've had, or the latter). This place holds a few memories for me too- a few dinners with friends and a nice catch up with my cousin. The service is good, and here I fell in love with a waitress because she served well and actually made me want to tip her (I hate tipping). Sometimes places have service charge included- but at least with this you can guarantee a smile and food which arrives on time- instead of careless staff with no sense of humour.


This week I've also been running, Wednesday I felt sooo chuffed completing 6miles when I intended to do 5.4. I'm near my goal, so I can start running home instead of traveling for a near hour, and then running for an hour, shower, food, sleep!

Saturday holds another birthday celebration for my friends Fry and Beth. Fry, does look a bit like Fry from Futurama. Ruggers and booze sounds fun, will be great to see my friend play, I'm already craving a pint...

May will be jam packed with lots of visiting friends and family- April has gone so fast already, even in work I've been speaking and referring to published research which felt like yesterday, when in fact it was two weeks ago!


Work is going really well- the people there make me roll my eyes as much as laugh, and I'm learning more as we go through which is sooooooooo nice. Hopefully proof reading will take off soon and I'll be up to scratch with the lingo in financial research (I'm in publishing). Whether you are interesting in it or not, it's amazing what you can pick up by glancing over this stuff everyday. I hope to work myself hard for many more years- who knows, by the time I'm wrinkly I will chill a bit more and open my own bakery- I have a name in mind already. :)


This post has been a bit of a reel off, my fault for not posting during the week! I tend to post less if I'm feeling crappy, though sometimes I post less because I'm having too much fun and can't concentrate! haha, either way I'm doing ok.

CHOW!

"why are you sleeping?!"

Wake up.

Head adjusts... 'oh i'm horizontal and that dream wasn't real'

Time? 7.36am

Phew, a natural wake up today- should be ready for 5am start tomorrow.

Sun, birds (techno bird is about- the best one)

I tweet along with cup of tea in hand, scanning endless internet pages for research, inspiration (reading the news & blogs now seems like some sort of artistic gump)

Tummy rumbles and I start to imagine what to have for my favourite meal of the day.

and this. is. heaven.

"ahhh, I'm an arrrtist"

Morning all!

I have had the best Saturday, and am now waking up slowly with a cup of tea and the sound of pigeons cooing!

How was your weekend?

Before I crack on with breakfast (my favourite meal of the day!) I must tell you about a brilliant Saturday out in Camden! It was the perfect weather to wear my new velvet blazer, I picked it up last week for a bargin of £10, at Spitalfields market. I also straightened my hair, which a year ago would have been a huge no no; however now I'm less iron deficient (even my nails are growing long-pow!), I gave it a try and it was very fun feeling like how I did a couple of years back-good!

Messy floor!

I hadn't been to Camden Market for about a year and up until then I hadn't been overly amazed by it- until yesterday! Once we got there, we made our way through the busy (but bearable) street up to the markets. There were sooo many stalls selling various kinds of food: Turkish, British (fish and chips! pies), Chinese, Indian, Caribbean food and many more-it was great, I know If my step dad and sis were there with me-they would have loved it! There was even a cake stand selling slabs of cake and wicked smelling apple and cinnamon hot drinks!

Joe started with a mix of chinese- Teriaki chicken, green chicken curry, rice and nooodles! You can get a brilliant sized portion for £5, and If you can put on a charm always try to haggle for that extra spring roll! I had no idea what to eat, so I waited and took my time choosing cake instead-red velvet! (chocolate cake dyed red with awesome icing on top-it's all about the icing!) After tasting Joe's food and balancing it with a little sweet cake, I decided to buy my own chinese mix of yum. We shared all of the food and headed off to the markets.

As we made our way through people and narrow lanes, I bought a coffee made from Ethiopian beans. I'm a big coffee person and over the last year I have grown to know just how I like it. I suppose it's a win/loose situation, if I'm handed a coffee, I walk away, sip and recently have been left reeling that the coffee tastes bitter and a cappa c just doesn't have enough foam. This one tasted better then the few I've had this week- a semi skimmed cappa c, but it had no foam (take away cups always ruin the foam potential) and I couldn't find that coffee punch (I've been having 'issues' with coffee all week in London city, clearly I needed to get this off my chest!).

Once the coffee was half drank, we popped into the brilliant Cyber Dog. I was very glad to see the dancers had come back, perched on their own personal balconies- a shop blasting dance music, anything fluorescent and selling the perfect utilities for a good rave. If you go, always check out the music that's playing- they leave a CD on the side so you can take a look. I usually go in and don't find anything I'd want to wear, as most of it you'd wear if you wanted to look like a colourful platform boot goth-however they have added a few things for women which could be pulled off as 'casual'. The 'room downstairs', which you can find if you make your way through the tunnels of clothes suited for guys, girls and even kids, featured a pole dancer in platform heels and fishnets-I'm sure you can guess what's sold downstairs!

After cyber dog, it became all about exploring the shops. Me and Joe bumped into a 50s dress shop and I fell in love, it's an outfit i've always fancied buying. Though they didn't have my size, it was fun to try things on and get an idea for the future purchase! We searched through more shops and laughed over old vintage outfits-Joe particularly liked the retro trainers and seeing me try on oversized mens coats! I managed to get a couple of bargins and came home very pleased!! (pictures to follow!)

An interesting image I found on the bridge (going to send it to my Nana!) 

Camden!

If you live North West, It's so easy to get a bus home (or to) Camden-so we jumped on the bus to Kilburn, back to Joe's place. Do ever find it satisfying when your heading home and as you are 10 seconds away from your bus stop, you can see your bus coming towards you in the near distance?! Winner! Double decker top floor, front seats are perfect for taking in the sun.

After giving a quick lesson on hanging wet laundry (HA!...) we made chicken caesar salad and scoffed it down with red wine (yes, a supermarket stylee bottle- sorry, inside joke...you know who you are!)

It must have been around 10pm, where we made our way to The Black Lion. A beautiful pub with high ceilings and hanging lampshades, we had surprise cocktails-they became a surprise because they had ran out of beer or 'anything decent' as the barman put it. I think I like it when barmen give opinions on particular drinks without you having to ask, I appreciate their blunt guidance...

I have no idea what the name was for my cocktail-raspberries, gin, elderflower and something else! Joe ordered a 'Alexander' and for round two I had a Bourbon Blush-strawberries and jim bean. Joe had something which had a liquor in it which was called 'gum'.

Apologies for my teenage-esque writing. I've woken up still buzzing from a great night. As we got home, us 20 somethings had a war of nerf guns and I experimented with my hair- I'm well chuffed how much longer it is!

A variety of styles!

I have a good aim

Blimey, it took me a long time to upload my post and now breakfast will be more like lunch.

Have a great Sunday!

Things to do before you are 30...

As I'm receive constant reminders that I'm 'so younggg', here a tribute to all of this age talk:

1. Blame everything on bad luck, poor timing, and a rotten economy. It’s currently your generation which means you have complete license to talk about how screwed you are and how nothing is ever your fault! (guilty. I'm sure I've blamed my defaults on society instead of getting off my ass and doing something about it) Act fast now because by the time you turn 30, the tides will have shifted and you’ll no longer have the luxury to blame all your problems on being in a post grad funk or lack of job opportunities. You’ve had eight years, dammit! (I like this, and it's true.)
   
2. Date someone who most likely hates you. Dating someone who might actually hate you is super chic when you’re just starting to figure things/ yourself out. (Just make sure they have a big dick and occasionally buy you dinner.)
   
3. Cry in Whole Foods. Because life is hard! Life is a $7.00 organic grass-fed glass of Kombucha.
   
4. Read The Secret. And believe it because you are very fragile right now.
   
5. See a shrink (done) and put it on your credit card (Haven't done. Thank you nice work establishment). And tell your therapist things like this: “This one time my mom wouldn’t drive me to Target to buy the new Strokes CD and I think that’s why I have intimacy issues, to be honest. I’ve never told her but I think we both know.”
   
6. Bump your elbow and take three Vicodin in the middle of the afternoon. Because it just hurts so bad honey….
   
7. Scream at someone In Da Club! Point fingers, throw drinks and scream “YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!” to a stranger who has done nothing wrong. (Talk to strangers and having some jesty inside joke that lasts the whole night through eye contact, does that count?!)
   
8. Go to places that have a long line, intimidating bouncers, and a list you most definitely aren’t on. Being in your 20s means going to a douchey hip club at least once and doing coke with that chick from The Ring. Trust me.
   
9. Go to Europe (Berlin woo!!). And tell everyone for the next eight years about how it changed your life and how you’re definitely going to move there someday. (So that's why I always feel more chilled when I'm abroad)
   
10. Do something sexually that totally shocks you. So you can have a story to tell at brunch for the next 5 years. (Depends what you view as shocking)
    
11. Deal with an asshole boss. Who is approximately four months younger than you.
    
12. Tell people that you’re in a really good place. (Done)
13. Tell people that you’re in a really bad place. (Done)
14. Tell people that you’re confused as to what place you’re in. (Done)
15. Try to die before you turn 30. Fail miserably. (I don't know whether walking in front of motorbikes or buses counts...)

'this is my “not my real job” job, and I’m the only one who can talk shit about it. '

For those who have been, or are in this position now:

One customer came through my line and told me about her nephew who applied for a job at Trader Joe’s in Spokane. Apparently there were over 1,000 applicants for jobs when the store first opened. They could only take about 75 of those people. People wanted that job. They wanted my “not my real job” job to be their real job. And more than wanting, they actually needed it — something I hadn’t imagined possible That’s when I started to count myself lucky for even having a job at all. I started appreciating my co-workers and my managers. I started saying hello to the regulars and asking for their names.

I started overachieving.

I want my managers to like me. I want customers to remember me. I read the information about new products. I know the difference between a Gala and a Pink Lady. (They’re apples, okay!) I don’t check the codes for produce anymore. Bananas. 4011. Sweet Onions. 4166. Beefsteak Tomatoes. 4799. I comment to a co-worker that I never imagined knowing all this when I was sitting in a cap and gown at graduation 7 months ago.

He says to me: “It’s okay. This isn’t your real job.”

But it is my real job. For now. When people look at me and tell me I have to be patient about the job hunt, I understand. The job market is different now. College degrees will get you a great job at a grocery store. Maybe if I’m lucky, this internship will take me somewhere. Maybe it will get me that higher paying, career-oriented dream job I have been searching for, but then again, maybe it won’t. I didn’t imagine working at a grocery store right out of college, after all.

Maybe when I get that dream job, it will be boring. Maybe it will be what I’ve always hoped for. Maybe it won’t be hard, and I won’t have to struggle like I am now. I will be complacent and earn a decent salary, a decent amount of respect. Maybe I’ll think to myself, as I stare out the window of my dream office, “This isn’t a real job. I used to have a real job.”

133

Last stop. We reached Liverpool Street station and made our way off the bus. I glanced over the top floor double decker, a man was sitting with his head against the window.

He was asleep.

Our feet reached the pavement upon exit, the bus doors closed and it drove away. We left that man asleep on the bus, we walked past without even nudging him.


Now I feel bad, and I wrote 'we' so it seemed less like I. Truth is, I was the last one off the bus, the last one off the top floor. I protest that I thought a 'people' check would occur before the driver took off, as we had reached the final stop.

Nope, didn't happen.

I wonder where that man is now...

I see these so often (and probably guilty of some of them myself)

“I should not eat that sandwich. That sandwich has bread. Bread has carbs. Carbs are the Judas of the food world; They will surely betray me.

EAT THAT GOD DAMN SANDWICH. I totally acknowledge that we all want to feel good about ourselves, but listen: find an exercise you like, do it, then eat ALL OF THE PIZZA at 3 in the morning. There is something so pathetically sad about living life in fear of food. (You end up spending more time fussing and thinking about food, instead of getting out there and enjoying other things!)

“I shouldn’t text him first, right? No way, I’m not gonna text him first. I mean, if he wants to see me, he should text me. Right?”

Sometimes right, but often wrong. Instances in which this is correct: you’ve texted him three times in the past two days and have gotten no response. You don’t remember his face and have him logged into your phone as “Guy mEt at PiananOs bar.” You don’t actually give a crap about him but are in need of something to do.

If none of these are true, grab the man-bull by the dating-horns and TEXT HIM. I see so many girls remain single because neither them nor the guy they want to date is willing to make the first (miniscule, harmless, “hey what are you doing tonight?”) move. (and it is SO painful to watch!!! and wasteful!!!) Take heed: you may have accidentally found yourselves on another direct path to pets and yogurt. 

Today was a much better day

and I made a bad ass lasagne!!! (first time, wahoo!)

Pre bake

 Ta daa!

It seems to be girls night, in the flat upstairs

I love how, in those moments you find the time to doubt yourself- there's always something to stumble across online, encouraging all of those empty thoughts to float away.

What interests me is that for most women, getting to know one another in person isn't always as easy- we seem to be patient with women online, and less patient in person. I think this needs to flip.

When we see ourselves in Zooey Deschanel or Lena Dunham, it’s an affirmation that the world at large is picking up on the fact that girls like us exist at all — and that our existence is meaningful, even if it doesn’t always make sense or come with clear instructions. We want to know who we are now as much as we want to know who we have the potential to become in the future, and other women who fundamentally remind us of ourselves are powerful barometers of everything that is possible. Especially when they blog daily and create popular television shows.

Which is why if there was ever a time to start a blog or a YouTube channel about your clothes, your apartment, the things that piss you off, the career you are pursuing, or what acne treatment you are using and how you are 27 and love Justin Beiber, that time is now. So many of us consider ourselves writers (and/or bloggers) because we have a need to tell our stories that goes beyond what can easily be assumed of us. We may not be snowflakes, but we are all very different. The one thing we certainly have in common is how much we enjoy learning about each other. We’re teaching each other the truth about real women, and that education is helping to eliminate a lot of the crap we learned growing up. Regardless of what you might have heard, it’s actually a really great time to be a girl.

The 20-something urban-dwelling woman is not a new experiment, but it does look and feel different than it did ten or 20 years ago. Part of that has to do with the fact that we are now telling our own stories, and can take ownership over what is being said, written, and produced about us. As much as we might feel attacked for not being the ideal upwardly-mobile young person, or for not being what the majority of society considers physically or morally acceptable for our demographic, or for blogging about our personal lives to begin with, we must remember that with every confession and truth we share about what it is like to be us, we are doing something great for girls in general. And for that, we should all be very proud.

Just remember, it may not interest the mainstream forever, and trust me — people will always make fun of you for it. But really, who cares?  They can write about us all they want, just as long as we write about ourselves more.

I NEED TO GET THESE THOUGHTS OUT OF MY BRAIN!!!

Good yummy thoughts :)

plans plans plans and fuck yous, to all things emotional *insert rolling eyes face*

Even if plans involve sticking BBQ sticks in your hair!

Lemon and Lime

Today I feel twenty two. Usually I feel 80, or 3.

 I like the thin creak lines under my eyes.

Hi. (I've stolen that phrase from someone!)