I need to wake up...

Or I have woken up. I can't quite tell.

The best part is being in an atmosphere and everything seeming like slow motion. You see, you seek, you savor. That's the most awakening part. Everyone around you, and then there's you. There's you, there's life, and there's your choice.

I've had one of the best evenings since, I don't know when.

It wasn't the food. It wasn't the music. It wasn't the drinks, the profession, the status, the anything. It was the people and the words. Clearer then ever, amongst the sadness, I still wanted to get up and make a move. I don't want to disappear, now.

I finally got the confidence boost i've needed for quite some time now. I finally got a moment in believing in myself, I heard some words which sounded familiar and I couldn't help but think 'that's where they were...'

I feel so ready. I feel like I have a cube and I'm ready to build, there seems to be some courage which I have in my hands and I know what to do with it. I can't believe I lost my self believe, that's what has been missing all along. If there is no confidence, no certainty-then what do you have? How can anyone go on if there is no believe, no knowing.

Plans finally feel ok, and moving on from particular events now is the right thing to do. Before they were moments clinging onto what was known instead of what if or what could. Now it's about what now. What is now, what do I have and what is there... It kind of makes me excited-I remember that energy I had earlier this year. It sounds bizarre, and even if it takes a few ramblings to point it out-well it's those words which tell me what everybody needs to hear. What your doing is right. As if I ever had doubt in what I do, there would be no worth in it at all.

I need to kick people in the arse, that's all I can say. To me those words don't feel stupid; with everything that has happened, will happen, I think the worst thing now could be that no-one will listen and life could become a blind inhibition deaf to self. We cut ourselves off, not anybody else. Most of the time we don't know that though; if we didn't have people we wouldn't have ourselves. There would only be I.

I'm excited about my choices now and once the distraction part becomes settled...once I make the distraction part SETTLED... I WILL MAKE THE DISTRACTION PART SETTLE, then I am the fricking wonder