Just being

Well well, what a turn! Things are mellowing out and now I'm having to get used to particulars in my life going well!

For once things aren't going bad, really bad, for me. Which is nice! It does take some getting used to.

I've been working earlies this week, 7am-3pm. It's been so cold I haven't bothered walking in and have taken the bus instead. I call it my thinking time (as If I dont' do enough thinking already)... perhaps it's the momentum, there's just something different about travelling by transport which gets your mind going, perhaps in a more refreshed way.

I also took a walk from Bank to Waterloo to journey for a blood test at St Thomas' hospital. The nurse had trouble getting the needle in, my veins weren't showing up and she poked me in the most different place on my arm where I have had a blood test before. It hurt, but I quite enjoyed staring at the needle with blood liquor pouring out.

Saturday will start with an awesome breakfast, probably black cafetiere coffee and pastries bought from Sainsburys-a tradition I have kept going for most of a year now. One or two? I'm not so sure how much I should eat, but I know how much I'd like to eat! £1.20 deals for two makes it all the more interesting for my taste buds! Later, I shall make my way to the fourth week of my creative writing course; I really can't wait for it this week, I feel quite settled with it now and already my mind is being opened to a new way of thinking towards words.

Sunday, lunch with Hazal, in a pub. Awesome yum. And then pack pack pack clean!!! for the big flat move on Monday. I CANNOT WAIT!

Getting back to my momentumous journey, I've been thinking about me as a teenager. A miserable curtain, a girl who became fairly shut off from most around her. I gave off the impression that I was better than everyone else, I used to get called a snob where my speech was filled with desires that I had things better than others. Words said just to piss people off, judgement for a reaction just so I'd feel better about myself. Silly scared girl. All we really should have been doing was to be friends. I ended up keeping myself to myself so much and closing everyone off around me, and who ended up loosing out the most.

Only me. 

It's perhaps why I find it amazing when people seem to like me these days, I think why would anyone be interested!? 

So we learn from past behaviour and learn how to behave now. I'm very grateful for the people I have in my life now, things seemed to change when I went to uni. Whether it was because of the mix of people, or people because I saw the mix of people and for once didn't feel the outsider. Things just started to click and even now all seems to just keep getting better. It's so nice and I am super dooper grateful.