I don't know really what to say

Well of course I know what I want to say, what to say-there are 1,000,000 things. But they are too scary. There has been too much change.

As I listen to Tom Hanks, I think of love. Words of love, like snow. Autumn is missing winter, I crave for the cold. I see red and blue, the light grey and pink sky-it's no longer filled with pink fog anymore.

'I wanted it to be you so badly'...

I feel empty, filled and shallow. I don't know where it has all gone. I wish I could say more, it this drowned?

So many people want to scream at you when all I would say to them is be quiet. They don't know, you.

I mean, it's all over, isn't it?! I shouldn't even be asking when the answer is clear-ish. Perhaps I need a smack in the face-do I see the other side yet and is there even one? Stuck stuck stuck, choice or phase? There should be no signs, only memories-but I want to make more of the same kind. When two situations exist, one in each hand and another more in selfs control. Well. Well. Settle down.

You know I write for you this time. In hope? Or shudder. No 'thing' can take me out of this one. It's early days, right?