HELLO!

Hi all!

I know my last post claimed a new blog would be coming soon. How soon was 'coming soon'... It's been a while! Sorry to disappoint, I'm still working on the overall concept... which really means I need to sit down and concentrate long enough to put pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard on the apple notes app.

Within this time I've been 1. Having lots of lovely social times, 2. making excuses based on getting distracted 3. Putting less pressure on myself, I've finally come to a point where I CAN'T CARRY ON ANY LONGER and I MUST write.

I MISS BLOGGING SO MUCH!

I've let life distract me. I've used far too many excuses. I've had to process a lot of things this year and things are really really looking up!

Something to celebrate, I've been in my job for a year now and it feels soooooo good to have achieved that! Life as a student was painful and adventurous,  now I'm enjoying my independence much more than waiting for that part-time label to go. I love working, I love work, I love the balance of weekends and weekdays (though Queeny could introduce a few more longer weekends :P )

Over all things are good and I must use this energy for writing! I'm sure my cynic is still within, though there are methods to use for this to appeal... wimsical...

I just wanted to say Hi, there are a few more 'a bit hinesy' moments which cannot be wasted away from the fantastic world of blogging. Perhaps I just have too much to say... and lately I've been feeling more like a Giraffe...

I can't wait for a re-design any longer. Words have to begin NOW!

Someone knows too

There is a notable difference between being alone and being lonely that is too often overlooked in our fast-paced, well-connected, western world.

Tea whore

Today I am tired. Quite tired. That kind of tired when your neck and shoulders slump like a lanky teenager. And because I have a pretty healthy diet, sugar seems to effect me energy wise quicker than most. All that slow burning carbs stuff- bollox.

PB and J pitta- holla at my mouth.

Dentist in two weeks- I'm sure I'll need a filling...

ANYWAYS

New blog coming soon...

Insomnia blurb

If you're curious.

Fat fetishes and anti cancer methods

I don't know what I'm more livid at, paranoid people suffering to be healthy, or developing a career out of obesity!...

I've been watching Channel four's 'My Big Fat Fetish', where woman gain weight on purpose to fulfill mans fantasy as well as their own body image preferences. I'm shocked, curious at how many stretch marks they have and also slightly in awe at how they appreciate their bodies just the way they are- something which most slim woman deprive themselves of daily.

I feel angry and confused when I hear their thoughts on their size. I think about all the articles I read on nutritional ways to be healthy, many of which are written by people who are avoiding cancer again or fighting cancer- that scary disease which seems to be the new aids or bird flu. How can so many people make positive life choices to avoid health scares when there are individuals out there throwing their health away for fried chicken?

The opposition,  are those seeking fat have a healthier mental health rate than those prioritising the right food choices, vitamins and exercise? I wonder who is less stressed and pressurised.

Applicable to anywhere

Any city (town, countryside, middle of nowhere?!... e.t.c) can turn like this, lets generalise here.

'Those spots, your spots, the ones that you so willingly shared with that first person you loved in this city, are now poisoned.'

I do agree; that cafe spot, the tube station you would awkwardly wait at, the places you find amazing and show them for their first time, even those that you end up exploring together.

Or, maybe we should just treat them as places. 'Tis funny what our brain associates with the happy and sad. Personally, well if you focus on the good times you had from the places that cause the nostalgic twinge- surely the beauty now is passing on all of your delights to the other companions in your life.

Infatuation of learning something new

It's articles like this why I love love love Thought Catalog. Times like this, being now (why would you waste it?), get off your arse and go, do it, run around...

Here's a quote from one of my favourite films, Almost Famous:

'Who needs a "crowd?"  You're unique.  You're two years ahead of everybody.  Take those extra years and do what you want.  Go to Europe for a year!  Take a look around, see what you like!  Follow your dream! You'll still be the youngest lawyer in the country.  Your own great grandfather practiced law until he was 93. Your dad was so proud of you.  He knew you were a pronominally accelerated child.'

It's your adventure.

These words probably describe best where I am with mine right now. I wish I could should be writing like this:

'I think it’s why we love cities. Living in a town just big enough to be cripplingly small, I thought it would be impossible to be in one for more than five minutes without falling in love with something. And we do, for a moment. We fall in love with our strange new neighbors who make more noise as two people than your entire neighborhood did before, with the smell of cigarette smoke, with the way crusty bread feels when you tear it off at a new restaurant — all things that eventually slip into the grating or the prohibitively expensive but which are, for a few moments at a time, wonderfully infatuating.

And we see things in our cities that we hate, almost as many as we love. We keep a tally of all the ups and downs of being in this big new place, wait until the negatives spill over into every part of our life, and then we leave again. We get sucked into a lovely little daydream, standing in front of beautiful architecture and breathing in the smell of rich, warm food, where we feel that this is everything we were looking for. And then a group of obnoxious teenagers walk by, spitting and throwing their cigarettes on the ground. There is only so much a city can provide, and we can either keep moving from location to location, or we can find something new in ourselves to enjoy. A book, a hobby, a new group of friends in a brand-new bar.

We are constantly running, looking for the perfect combination of being alone and being together to make things always feel good. We might need to be in love to see things the way they’re meant to be seen, but not necessarily with a person — just as our city can’t save us, neither can being with someone simply to fill the silence. Sure, to fall in love with a person would be nice, but when you are actively searching for romantic love you’re almost destined not to find it. You can’t waste your time, your youth, your beautiful surroundings waiting for someone to validate it. I would be happy with just being in love with a good book, an opera, a philosophy I overheard in another conversation and turn around in my head until it settles like a fine dust over everything I believe.

It’s hard not to feel sometimes like you’re running around in circles, trying to distract yourself with a new partner or a trip to somewhere fresh and exciting, like you can’t ever stand still. I want the infatuation of learning something new, of discovering something about myself, the thrill of the small joys that don’t cost anything and don’t require anyone else’s presence. I want to be infatuated with myself, to feel like I am enough, and I so rarely do.

I want that falling feeling, that obsessive interest with all that’s around me, with all that I’m capable of. And most importantly, I want that infatuation to come from not where I’m standing, not from who I’m standing with, but from just how beautiful my life is on its own, from how wonderful it is to be alive, how much I am worth just by myself.'

Addictions and self control

The things we do to 'get back on track'...

Addictions form a paper-thin protective layer between you and the world around you. They enable you, however briefly, to cope, to feel normal, to just freaking deal the way everyone else around you manages to do without chemical or edible assistance. “It is the thing you believe is keeping you safe, alive, contained,” writes Hornbacher of her eating disorder. “And in the end of course, you find it is doing quite the opposite.” Never do I feel more paradoxically invincible than when I am demolishing the entire contents of my refrigerator (the Great Uncooked-Brownie-Batter-Pickles-and-Kidney-Beans binge of 2007 was particularly memorable) and washing it down with a bottle of Bacardi. The blackouts on the bathroom floor, the half-remembered ambulance rides, the shaking hands of a palsied eighty-year-old, the muscles crying out in anguish at years of abuse, the brain set loose upon itself in a devouring fit of madness — all these seem inconsequential, for in the moment the combined effects of solid and liquid courage (in a caged match, I could probably triumph over the Bacardi but not the brownie batter) seems your own personal Armor of Achilles: impenetrable. You are Okay. You are untouchable. You can almost hear the “Super Mario Brothers” invincibility-star theme song playing in your head as you rip up the back of your throat with your fingernails.

If you’re so Okay, then why are you crying?

I said in the moment. These are important words to the addict. All we know is the moment. All we operate in is the moment. Addiction can practically be defined as short-term satisfaction with long-term consequences. The idea that one can act opposite to one’s emotions is utterly foreign to the eating-disordered/alcoholic/addict brain. So on this, my second full day without purging or drinking, I have discovered that half the battle is conquering the moment. We — not just addicts, but people in general — are creatures of many and fickle emotions. The jeans that fit me perfectly well yesterday, even when I know damn well they fit me perfectly well yesterday, absolutely categorically do not fit me today because fat is oozing out of my every pore and oh my god I am beginning to bear a striking resemblance to the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man AND NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE ME AGAIN AND I AM GOING TO DIE ALONE WITH CATS LISTENING TO MY NEXT TO NORMAL SOUNDTRACK.

This is all probably not true. In fact, I will go out on a limb here and say it is almost definitely not true. The empirical evidence would suggest otherwise. I am (a) probably not going to die alone — people won’t even leave me the hell alone even when I want them to — and (b) am five-feet-seven-and-three-quarters-inches and 108 pounds, so probably do not markedly resemble the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, the Pillsbury Doughboy, the Jolly Green Giant, or any other brand representative of legendarily mammoth (or green) proportions. I have in fact gained weight the last several weeks (up from 100), but I still have a BMI of 16-point-something (well below underweight), and on my trip to New York a week ago I zipped into a size 00 at the Gap with room to spare. (In other words, the smallest adult size they make for human people.) So from a rational standpoint, it’s not only an egregious overstatement to say I’ve gotten fat, it’s beyond f-cking absurd. I know that. I do. I KNOW that. I am smart and self-aware enough to recognize that after I eat 450 calories (my entire breakfast, including a Mountain Dew Amp, this morning), I feel sick as hell and am going to be pacing in a frenetic panic for the next several hours. But once those several hours have passed and I’ve digested and forgotten about (okay, not forgotten about — never forgotten about) the Greek yogurt or whatever the hell it was that was causing me such existential angst, I WILL BE OKAY.

I just can’t trust the workings of my own head in the moment, or operate on my own feelings. And when you’ve grown up heeding Polonius’s bullsh-t advice of “to thine own self be true”, what do you do when the one person you can’t trust is — yourself?

Tricks are for all of us

Some nice tips to help improve the day, your life. Feel awesommmmme!

1. Wash your hands and face, and brush your teeth. – The simple act of cleaning these parts of your body is both reinvigorating and relaxing, and gives you that ‘fresh start’ feeling.
   
2. Change your socks for refreshment. – It’s an odd trick, but it works.  Bring a change of socks to work, and change your socks midway through the day.  You’ll be amazed at how much fresher you’ll feel.  This trick is especially handy on days with lots of walking.
   
3. Call a close friend. – Sometimes a quick conversation with someone you care about is just what you need to boost your mood. Am trying to do this more instead of hiding away!
   
4. Stretch. – When you feel yourself getting stressed, get up, reach toward the sky, bend down and touch your toes, twist your torso from side to side – stretch it out. Whether it's in the work toilets or just as I wake up in the morning, this tip is gooood.
   
5. Go outdoors. – Getting some fresh air outdoors is always a good way to rouse your senses and clear your mind. Even if it's just popping out for milk or a cheeky kit kat in your lunch break (get out of the office!)
   
6. Take a light exercise break. – Do a few sets of jumping jacks to get your blood moving, or take a walk.  Even the slightest bit of exercise can reduce momentary stress and re-energize your mind.  (Read The 4-Hour Body.) Walking to M&S Moorgate to get weekly bananas, nose at shoes and stare at some over priced fruit.
   
   
   
7. Dress to feel your best. – When we know we are looking our best, we naturally feel better. Am trying to do this more everyday instead of leaving the house thinking 'this outfit will do'.
   
8. Listen to your favorite music. – If it’s not too much of a distraction, listening to your favorite upbeat music can be a great way to boost your spirits. ALWAYS!!! I couldn't live without music.
   
9. Watch or read something that inspires you. – Sometimes all you need is a little pep talk.  Watch a motivational video or read something that inspires you. Blogs blogs blogs!
   
10. Have a good laugh. – Watch a funny video clip or read your favorite comic strip.  A good chuckle will stimulate your mind, giving you a renewed sense of optimism. Scanning through old and recent photos :)
    
11. Take a few really deep, controlled breaths. – Deep breathing helps reduce stress, a source of fatigue, and increases the level of oxygen in the blood.  Techniques can be as simple as inhaling for five seconds, holding your breath for four seconds and exhaling for four seconds.  You can also try more elaborate techniques which require different positions.
    
12. Clear your stuffed nose. – If allergies have your sinuses blocked, you may be feeling more tired and cranky.  Rinse your nasal passages with saline solution.
    
13. Cook a tasty meal. – Even if you are by yourself, preparing a tasty dinner, setting the table, and treating yourself to a wonderful culinary experience will lift your spirits.  Sharing it with someone you love or respect will make it even more nurturing. Eating for pleasure and not for comfort.
    
14. Walk away from energy vampires. – Energy vampires are people who always have something to complain about, or a problem that needs to be fixed, and they’ll drain your energy by making you listen to them about their problems or by giving them attention.
    
15. Complete an important piece of unfinished business. – Today is a perfect day to finish what you started.  Few feelings are more satisfying than the one you get after an old burden has been lifted off of your shoulders.  (Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.)
    
16. Work on something that’s meaningful to you. – Engage yourself in a meaningful personal project.  Or pull the trigger on doing something you’ve wanted to do for a long time, but haven’t yet had the resolve to do.
    
17. Assist someone in need. – In life, you get what you put in.  When you make a positive impact in someone else’s life, you also make a positive impact in your own life.  Do something that’s greater than you, something that helps someone else to be happy or to suffer less.  I promise, it will be an extremely rewarding experience.
    
18. Think about your latest (or greatest) success. – Think about it for at least sixty seconds.  Taking in your success as often as possible will help you reach it again and again.  Quite simply, it reminds you that if you’ve done it before, you can do it again.
    
19. Act like today is already an awesome day. – Do so, and it will be.  Research shows that although we think that we act because of the way we feel, in fact, we often feel because of the way we act.  A great attitude always leads to great experiences.
    
20. Notice what’s right. – Everything that happens in life is neither good nor bad.  It just depends on your perspective.  And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should.  Either you succeed or you learn something.  So stay positive, appreciate the pleasant outcomes, and learn from the rest.  (Read How Full Is Your Bucket?)
    
21. Take a moment to acknowledge how far you’ve come.

A conversation they once had

I hate the need for companionship. I don't get the human race.

This love stuff is a pain in the ass.

--

Love is always in bloom honey. That's the real problem.

--

But I'm not a bee, can't be buzzing around love all the time. It's tiring.

WINTER!

--

 ...feelings will only truly die when you find love with another. That's how it works.

--

urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

What am I meant to do until then. I don't want to eat my feelings. Get drunk and have a series of headaches?

I need to do this healthily.

Chew my arm? Re-vamp my wardrobe? Surround myself with company?
 

Why is being a frustrated person the only consistent thing in my life.

Bahh. Bridget Jones.
--

I slept around until I found love. Worked for me. Might not for you. Might though...
--

Ghost.

Endearments

He has some work, he makes a coffee. Warm the milk, coffee then hot water.

He walks back to his desk and places the mug on the electric warming coaster he has plugged into the socket.

He leans back, research in hand and a sniff of the nose. Sometimes there is cake.

He sips, he reads. It's simple comforts after all.

Here's looking at you

and I come across this on my street. A mirror.

That nice heavy smiley face feeling. After work drinks.

Anyways...you come home after a shaky ride on the tube and remind yourself that nothing really matters.

 

 

A few more things I'll always do and be

12. Get spaced out all of a sudden
13. Burn rice
14. Suffering with food babies
15. Be 'fiercely' independent, but deep down I really enjoy being looked after
16. Be conscious of nutrition
17. Pull stupid faces at myself in the mirror
18. Be diplomatic...
19. and also be stubborn
20. Sum up personality traits using poor grammar in hope to seem witty

11 things I'll always do and be

1. Miss one item of washing up (pay attention!)
2. Buy too much food shopping and wreck my arms carrying it home
3. Sing in the shower
4. Multi-tasker
5. Never ever get my fashion sense or shoes quite right (or could this be my answer!?)
6. Think and talk out loud (sorry work...)
7. Have outbursts of sounds, whether you like it or not
8. Be scared of spider's legs
9. Play music all the time and perhaps it will be 'too loud' for some people
10. Have a sweet tooth
11. (this is a newish one) Take pictures of myself when I'm feeling good, because when I was a teen I avoided the camera like the plague- I hated seeing myself. Now I make the effort to take pictures in the moments I'm feeling well. If you can't have that- what have you got to remind yourself when things were finnneeee and dandy.

'Neets'

Very interesting article from The BBC:

'The Work Foundation says more than 450,000 Neets - youngsters not in education, employment or training - have never had a regular job... too many youngsters in this Neet category lack soft skills - such as "communication, team working and customer service" - to get a start in such jobs.'

I'm glad this issue has been brought to our attention, a wake up call at least:

'We know that if young people haven't got on to the first rung of the job ladder by 24, they will suffer the consequences for the rest of their lives'

I moved to London from Wales, and the people here 'work' a little quicker in the mind set- you could say. I'm sure it depends what working industry you're in and without trying to sound like a snob-there's a clear difference in attitude and pace. You have to be on the ball, think outside of the box and motivate yourself:

'"Many Neet young people face a Catch-22. They don't have the so-called 'soft skills' employers are looking for, but often the only opportunity to learn those skills is on the job," he said. '

For me personally, this is scary! Looking at the image below, areas common in 'Neet's' are those I've grown up in and where family and friends are situated. Sometimes I think I'm too harsh in how I think about these areas, but the evidence is there:

We can't assume people from these areas are of lesser intelligence, there are always circumstances which affect opportunities. Though, whether it's a question of mentality or a case of bad luck in trying to find something, I hope attitudes don't follow in the statistic footsteps. Encouragement must continue and opportunities are also created by ourselves.

Curious about you being curious

Big fat nerdy endearment. I like to get to know you, your traits, habits (the cute ones... OK even the weird ones too), your choices, preferences, why you like this that way and why you'd choose this over that.

Just sayin'.

Man at Borough Starbucks

The same seat. The same table. The same coffee place.

Man at Borough Starbucks, since February 2012. Would it be weird if I took a picture?

They should grow in jars

and jars only.

urghh

Breakfast time!

Perfect article to read on a morning when I especially woke early to get some breakfast chill time.

Plus I LOVE breakfast, I even have a song...

"Breakfast time, breakfast time. Won't you have some breakfast of mine!"

At least it's original...

Either way, happy morning coffee and PB seeded bagel everyone. You're lucky I didn't have cereal, then I'd have to sing my cereal song as well...

Friday for Hinesy

Today there's been a few things:

To start, I woke myself up by bumping the head on the corner of the table- the thought of the sound is still making me laugh now!

The man used I used to observe in Borough Starbucks no longer wears his red winter jumper, yet remains in his favourite seat, window side and furthest position away from the door.

An analyst at work adopted a Giraffe at Marwell Zoo for his daughters Christmas present. Amazing. They are going to visit it this weekend.

It's sunny, and it will be sunny over the whole weekend in London.

Tonight I'm catching up with lovely friends. mmmmmm.


Can't wait to get this corporate clothing off and be.

Wahoo, enjoy your Friday!