A conversation they once had

I hate the need for companionship. I don't get the human race.

This love stuff is a pain in the ass.

--

Love is always in bloom honey. That's the real problem.

--

But I'm not a bee, can't be buzzing around love all the time. It's tiring.

WINTER!

--

 ...feelings will only truly die when you find love with another. That's how it works.

--

urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

What am I meant to do until then. I don't want to eat my feelings. Get drunk and have a series of headaches?

I need to do this healthily.

Chew my arm? Re-vamp my wardrobe? Surround myself with company?
 

Why is being a frustrated person the only consistent thing in my life.

Bahh. Bridget Jones.
--

I slept around until I found love. Worked for me. Might not for you. Might though...
--

Ghost.

Endearments

He has some work, he makes a coffee. Warm the milk, coffee then hot water.

He walks back to his desk and places the mug on the electric warming coaster he has plugged into the socket.

He leans back, research in hand and a sniff of the nose. Sometimes there is cake.

He sips, he reads. It's simple comforts after all.

Note for today, note for tomorrow

Shin splint getting better

Here's looking at you

and I come across this on my street. A mirror.

That nice heavy smiley face feeling. After work drinks.

Anyways...you come home after a shaky ride on the tube and remind yourself that nothing really matters.

 

 

Tube sock

Today there was a single black sock on the tube platform as I got out at Moorgate station.

Thought you all might like to know.

Trying

Because ironically, depression is not a solipsistic disease; it is not a self-inflicted gunshot but, rather, a bomb detonated in the middle of a family function or, in my case, a very quiet explosion as I read my second set of vows, as I wondered if it was happening again, as I knew everyone in the room was about to be wiped out by my disease — they just didn’t know it at the time...

Post-major-depression trauma resulting in chronic a-holery. I’m certain I’ve discovered a new wrinkle to the treatment of depression. Because after the storm subsides, after the wolves slink away sated and ready for sleep, after the antidepressants circulate in my blood, blunting the blows, it’s a challenge to look outward again, to remember that it isn’t all about you, to again understand the connection between all people. But I try. I try.

Vagabond

Karaoke choke

Drippy problem

Homemade peanut butter, this has just solved my dilemma buying shop bought 'i'm filled with other things you don't need' peanut butter.

Wahoo!

Scatter

Might have to do this, when one day, I have my own home.

Imagine coming home to a glowy drive way. Amazing! I could always stick this stuff to the outside of the house as well- glow home!!!

Reminds me of Yoyoi Kasama, I saw her exhibition in the Tate.

Mmmm infinite colours

Glow room!

kapowwwww...

A few more things I'll always do and be

12. Get spaced out all of a sudden
13. Burn rice
14. Suffering with food babies
15. Be 'fiercely' independent, but deep down I really enjoy being looked after
16. Be conscious of nutrition
17. Pull stupid faces at myself in the mirror
18. Be diplomatic...
19. and also be stubborn
20. Sum up personality traits using poor grammar in hope to seem witty

11 things I'll always do and be

1. Miss one item of washing up (pay attention!)
2. Buy too much food shopping and wreck my arms carrying it home
3. Sing in the shower
4. Multi-tasker
5. Never ever get my fashion sense or shoes quite right (or could this be my answer!?)
6. Think and talk out loud (sorry work...)
7. Have outbursts of sounds, whether you like it or not
8. Be scared of spider's legs
9. Play music all the time and perhaps it will be 'too loud' for some people
10. Have a sweet tooth
11. (this is a newish one) Take pictures of myself when I'm feeling good, because when I was a teen I avoided the camera like the plague- I hated seeing myself. Now I make the effort to take pictures in the moments I'm feeling well. If you can't have that- what have you got to remind yourself when things were finnneeee and dandy.

Trusting men's sperm

No sane woman would trust a man to take a contraceptive, they can't even remember to put the loo seat down.

Control your womb!

Friday morning London SUN!

Morning everyone! I've just woken up from a much needed lie in ( or recuperation you could say).

My step sis is staying with me at the moment, so we are off to explore some of my fave places I think she would like- today it's Spitalfields market, in search of the legendary brownies the 'slab stall' sells!

Enjoy the day, sun and sing along to this- it's been in my head all week!

 A big emotional fat one. Time for breakfast!

Knuckle sandwhich

I heard something by this artist recently in Cafe 1001. I can't hear what this clip sounds like, woes of being in work and blogging. Anyways, I'm hoping this is what I heard because it was amazingggggg.

Could always be this one too.

I couldn't help

Borough Starbucks man 24-5-12

He wore the same, white shirt and beige jacket.

Today, his jacket was placed on the back of the chair across the table. It's a warm morning.


Next update, Monday 28th May.

'Neets'

Very interesting article from The BBC:

'The Work Foundation says more than 450,000 Neets - youngsters not in education, employment or training - have never had a regular job... too many youngsters in this Neet category lack soft skills - such as "communication, team working and customer service" - to get a start in such jobs.'

I'm glad this issue has been brought to our attention, a wake up call at least:

'We know that if young people haven't got on to the first rung of the job ladder by 24, they will suffer the consequences for the rest of their lives'

I moved to London from Wales, and the people here 'work' a little quicker in the mind set- you could say. I'm sure it depends what working industry you're in and without trying to sound like a snob-there's a clear difference in attitude and pace. You have to be on the ball, think outside of the box and motivate yourself:

'"Many Neet young people face a Catch-22. They don't have the so-called 'soft skills' employers are looking for, but often the only opportunity to learn those skills is on the job," he said. '

For me personally, this is scary! Looking at the image below, areas common in 'Neet's' are those I've grown up in and where family and friends are situated. Sometimes I think I'm too harsh in how I think about these areas, but the evidence is there:

We can't assume people from these areas are of lesser intelligence, there are always circumstances which affect opportunities. Though, whether it's a question of mentality or a case of bad luck in trying to find something, I hope attitudes don't follow in the statistic footsteps. Encouragement must continue and opportunities are also created by ourselves.

Curious about you being curious

Big fat nerdy endearment. I like to get to know you, your traits, habits (the cute ones... OK even the weird ones too), your choices, preferences, why you like this that way and why you'd choose this over that.

Just sayin'.

Borough Starbucks man 23-5-12

Window corner seat, wearing light beige jacket- you know, cause it's breezy in the mornings.

Rare buy

£2 deal on Honey nut cornflakes.

Last min breakfast grab today- they taste like pure sugar! A honey AND brown sugar recipe- what are we, bees?

pleh pleh pleh

I forgot to say thank you

Warm cheeks

Toast. Americano. Working from home= more sleep!

Happy Hollie, morning!

Man at Borough Starbucks

The same seat. The same table. The same coffee place.

Man at Borough Starbucks, since February 2012. Would it be weird if I took a picture?

Fashion rips

Soon we are going to have to pay for this look, how stupid fashion can be sometimes.

They should grow in jars

and jars only.

urghh

Breakfast time!

Perfect article to read on a morning when I especially woke early to get some breakfast chill time.

Plus I LOVE breakfast, I even have a song...

"Breakfast time, breakfast time. Won't you have some breakfast of mine!"

At least it's original...

Either way, happy morning coffee and PB seeded bagel everyone. You're lucky I didn't have cereal, then I'd have to sing my cereal song as well...

Neverseconds blog

I think this just shows how amazing the internet is, how great blogging is. Within a click a new idea just pops into your head! Development happens just like that!

Inspiring anyone?

Friday for Hinesy

Today there's been a few things:

To start, I woke myself up by bumping the head on the corner of the table- the thought of the sound is still making me laugh now!

The man used I used to observe in Borough Starbucks no longer wears his red winter jumper, yet remains in his favourite seat, window side and furthest position away from the door.

An analyst at work adopted a Giraffe at Marwell Zoo for his daughters Christmas present. Amazing. They are going to visit it this weekend.

It's sunny, and it will be sunny over the whole weekend in London.

Tonight I'm catching up with lovely friends. mmmmmm.


Can't wait to get this corporate clothing off and be.

Wahoo, enjoy your Friday!

I follow a few 'quirky' blogs

and it still grosses me out that they refer to 'God' for inspiration.

oh dear.


Hands up, It's just not for me.

Monkey bread

How amazing does this look!

Not only is it a yummy sweet 'bread', but it has cinnamon in it and it's named 'monkey'.

Nom nom nom. Must have patience and attention span to make this. Also, might try adding icing to it to create a similar delight to what Starbucks sell (a rare good thing that they sell)

mmm

Some of the great things I've read today

And now I'm ready to start the day and also meet up with a life long friend :)


Have a good bank holiday weekend everyone! BREAKFAST TIME!!!

3. Make your bed — it makes the entire room look cleaner.

4. Write out a list by hand. Google may have invented every list-making tool on the planet, but writing it down commits it to memory — and, contrary to popular belief, not every place has internet.

8. Don’t feel the need to fill gaps of silence with blathering comments. That makes you sound like an idiot.

9. Visit one random blog (or five) a day that makes you happy and gives you the motivation to get through the day. If you like food, go check out photos on Tastespotting. If you like to transport yourself into other people’s heads, visit Pinterest. If you like doing fun activities, visit Soul Pancake. There’s something for everyone.

10. Realize when it’s not working out and move on — apply that to whatever situation you wish.

11. If you feel it, do it. The only thing you will lose is the what-if’s because you didn’t try.

12. Sometimes you need to cry. While crying alone is fine, the best cries seem to come when someone else coaxes them out of you by telling you the truth about a circumstance in your life. The tears come, the weight lifts, and then you can fix it.

13. If you can’t make it to something, be honest and say why. I’d rather hear someone be honest and say “I hate that place,” or “I have no money,” than “Can’t — sorry!”(May be we should work on saying 'actually, I just don't fancy doing that')


15. Get your stuff together the night before. Make sure your clothes are clean, your keys are in your bag, and you have your lunch. More mistakes can be made and items forgotten (and repercussions felt) in the 15-minute rush it takes to get out of the door than in an entire day.

16. One day a week, walk to your destination instead of ride. Guess who just got their exercise in?


17. Curb impulse buying and go grocery shopping once a week. Knowing you have at least a loaf of bread, a box of cereal, a frozen dinner, a dozen eggs, pasta, and a can of soup in your fridge can save you from thinking “What’s for dinner?” and ordering $25 takeout.

23. Slow down. The minute you realize — as clichéd as it is — that life really is a journey and not a marathon, the better off you’ll be.

26. Ask for help. Knowing that someone you trust has your back and is looking out for your best interest creates calm for your brain.

27. Whatever it is, just do it.

Toned

I LOVE feeling toned and awesome and fit again!

I like to wake up in the morning and look at my abs, I know it's slightly, errrm, self obsessed... could you say?! But I'm proud to have kept my running going for a month now- I've been saying I'd run longer routes like this for over a year!

Anyways, here are some mildy embarrassing shots of me as I was in my first running week- clearly took these on a case of endorphin rush!

 "ohh yeahh, I'm like soooo gonna run..."

Post run, sweaty and looking a bit greeb...ha!

One of the best parts of running is that I get to tie my hair up like a pineapple so it can flop about in the wind!

Strange you could say, but it's nice posting these pics knowing I've toned up a bit more since and my stamina really has improved. Over the last year I've gone up by a stone, down a stone, up by 8 pounds, down 5 more. I think my body became tired with my inconsistent eating patterns, all endured by the comfort eating monster stuck in my head and I LOVE food, it's hard to find something I don't like!

I think it's important that exercise shouldn't always be associated with weight loss, and that toning could be a healthier word to associate. I've lost a couple of pounds and in the first two weeks I cut out obvious sugars- bars of chocolate, cake, biscuits e.t.c because I have the Hines sweet tooth and it felt like a good challenge. The thing is, there was never a point when I wasn't eating, I ate all the time- just it was healthy stuff! I'm so sick of reading about cereal diets and dieting and being so hungry "alll the time". Clearly you aren't doing it right if you are hungry all the time, you are just starving your body! As a result and by instinct the body will just retain onto all the fat (it might be something to do with insulin levels why, and then in the long run eventually burn off healthy muscle instead) NOT good.

Ok so rant over... if you have that part of you to pinch which makes you unhappy, just think TONING.

and if you need a little healthy inspiration check out these blogs as well:

http://ohsheglows.com/
http://www.edibleperspective.com/
http://www.fitfoodiefinds.com/   (the one who introduced me to overnight oats mmmmm) !

enjoy!

amen

'But for now, I realize I am 100% content with being alone, mostly likely because I’ve spent most of my life not alone: I’ve been in back-to-back relationships since I was 13, with only a few weeks or months in between. It’s kind of scary, really. It’s like I started dating and just never stopped, and it only recently occurred to me how insane this was this past New Year’s when I found myself at the club, at midnight, in the middle of a horde of kissing couples, totally and completely single on New Year’s Eve for the first time in ten years. Scary and exhilarating, like I had I had grown a new set of limbs.

what being single by choice has made me realize is that being in a relationship shouldn’t be something you need; it should be something you want. It should come from the desire to share an experience rather than the desire to be completed. You have to feel secure in yourself before you bond with someone else or it won’t work. So, because I still have a lot of work to do on myself before I’m ready to share, I will spare you interested ladies the heartbreak (heh) and remain cheerfully single until then.'

Eat your face

Cake. Queen. Simple?

Impulse

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and now i'm deaf and restless. right...

Pick up the phone!

Goddamit!

I know some people who prefer to call than text. I know some who are too afraid to call and would rather text.

I've got to be honest, my harsh nature would call them pussys.

No wonder people end up feeling less special and appreciated when we can't even be bothered to pick up the phone and speak, just because 'texting is easier'.

We have even worked ourselves into the habit of email. Though, I think the lesson speaks for itself when face to face communication, meetings and phonecalls end up getting more work done than using the latter. Enthusiasm comes across so much clearer through tone of voice instead of endless !!! :) ;) :( or grrrrr arrrrghhhh urhhhhhh's.

Lets not shoot ourselves in the foot. There was a time where wrds wdn't luk lik dis.

Ouch

'Elizabeth Wurtzel, a writer from our generation, used a metaphor that she borrowed from Hemingway. Being insane, she said, was like Hemingway’s description of going bankrupt. In Hemingway’s novel The Sun Also Rises, a man is asked how he lost all his money. “…Two ways,” the man replies, “Gradually, and then suddenly.” That’s how it happened for me. I lost everything all at once, but it had taken years to get there.'

Kind'a cute

Don't lie, we all do it. It's like a third person.

I read this and thought of all the souls I'm missing out there. Read that as you wish.


'Talk to your Soul.

That’s right, just talk to It.

Start asking your Soul questions. You can simply say, “Hi, Soul. What’s your name?” And wait for your answer to come to you intuitively. It may not come to you immediately, but it will come to you, alright.

You can say, “Hey Soul, I need some assistance here. Can you please help me figure this out?” Your help will be on the way, I guarantee it.

You might also say, “I don’t know how to do this, Soul! Will you please do this for me?” Sometimes you can just put things right into your Soul’s capable hands. I do it all the time!

Your Soul is God. It’s a piece of God within you. When you connect with your Soul, there’s a heck of a lot of power that comes along with that.

Guess what else? Your Soul actually wants to connect with you. It wants to be known! It wants you to talk to it and ask it for help. It very much wants to be a part of your life.

And here’s the bonus (at least it was for me): Your Soul is not going to hold you to a strict meditation practice in order to be in a relationship with you. You can be a non-meditator and also be completely soulful.

Try this and see for yourself. It’s utterly mind-blowing, really. Once you get hooked, you’ll never turn back.

As for all those other health benefits you might miss out on by not meditating? Well, for that, I’m relying on green juice.'

You're not alone in this