HELLO!

Hi all!

I know my last post claimed a new blog would be coming soon. How soon was 'coming soon'... It's been a while! Sorry to disappoint, I'm still working on the overall concept... which really means I need to sit down and concentrate long enough to put pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard on the apple notes app.

Within this time I've been 1. Having lots of lovely social times, 2. making excuses based on getting distracted 3. Putting less pressure on myself, I've finally come to a point where I CAN'T CARRY ON ANY LONGER and I MUST write.

I MISS BLOGGING SO MUCH!

I've let life distract me. I've used far too many excuses. I've had to process a lot of things this year and things are really really looking up!

Something to celebrate, I've been in my job for a year now and it feels soooooo good to have achieved that! Life as a student was painful and adventurous,  now I'm enjoying my independence much more than waiting for that part-time label to go. I love working, I love work, I love the balance of weekends and weekdays (though Queeny could introduce a few more longer weekends :P )

Over all things are good and I must use this energy for writing! I'm sure my cynic is still within, though there are methods to use for this to appeal... wimsical...

I just wanted to say Hi, there are a few more 'a bit hinesy' moments which cannot be wasted away from the fantastic world of blogging. Perhaps I just have too much to say... and lately I've been feeling more like a Giraffe...

I can't wait for a re-design any longer. Words have to begin NOW!

Niiiiiice

Agreed agreed agreed

Fat fetishes and anti cancer methods

I don't know what I'm more livid at, paranoid people suffering to be healthy, or developing a career out of obesity!...

I've been watching Channel four's 'My Big Fat Fetish', where woman gain weight on purpose to fulfill mans fantasy as well as their own body image preferences. I'm shocked, curious at how many stretch marks they have and also slightly in awe at how they appreciate their bodies just the way they are- something which most slim woman deprive themselves of daily.

I feel angry and confused when I hear their thoughts on their size. I think about all the articles I read on nutritional ways to be healthy, many of which are written by people who are avoiding cancer again or fighting cancer- that scary disease which seems to be the new aids or bird flu. How can so many people make positive life choices to avoid health scares when there are individuals out there throwing their health away for fried chicken?

The opposition,  are those seeking fat have a healthier mental health rate than those prioritising the right food choices, vitamins and exercise? I wonder who is less stressed and pressurised.

The ice is breaking

"Depression is the flaw in love. To be creatures who love, we must be creatures who can despair at what we lose, and depression is the mechanism of that despair. When it comes, it degrades one's self and ultimately eclipses the capacity to give or receive affection. It is the aloneness within us made manifest, and it destroys not only connection to others but also the ability to be peacefully alone with oneself.

Love, though it is no prophylactic against depression, is what cushions the mind and protects it from itself. Medications and psychotherapy can renew that protection, making it easier to love and be loved, and that is why they work. In good spirits, some love themselves and some love others and some love work and some love God: any of these passions can furnish that vital sense of purpose that is the opposite of depression. Love forsakes us from time to time, and we forsake love. In depression, the meaninglessness of every enterprise and every emotion, the meaninglessness of life itself, becomes self-evident. The only feeling left in this loveless state is insignificance," - Andrew Solomon.

OCD

I think my job has encouraged this side of me to come out.

We need order!

One of the worst things is if you offer a spoon of something (usually food, yogurt or dessert e.t.c.) to someone (likely bf or gf) to try, and they don't eat the spoon clean! I don't want your mouth leftovers!

Trying

Because ironically, depression is not a solipsistic disease; it is not a self-inflicted gunshot but, rather, a bomb detonated in the middle of a family function or, in my case, a very quiet explosion as I read my second set of vows, as I wondered if it was happening again, as I knew everyone in the room was about to be wiped out by my disease — they just didn’t know it at the time...

Post-major-depression trauma resulting in chronic a-holery. I’m certain I’ve discovered a new wrinkle to the treatment of depression. Because after the storm subsides, after the wolves slink away sated and ready for sleep, after the antidepressants circulate in my blood, blunting the blows, it’s a challenge to look outward again, to remember that it isn’t all about you, to again understand the connection between all people. But I try. I try.

Fashion rips

Soon we are going to have to pay for this look, how stupid fashion can be sometimes.

They should grow in jars

and jars only.

urghh

Breakfast time!

Perfect article to read on a morning when I especially woke early to get some breakfast chill time.

Plus I LOVE breakfast, I even have a song...

"Breakfast time, breakfast time. Won't you have some breakfast of mine!"

At least it's original...

Either way, happy morning coffee and PB seeded bagel everyone. You're lucky I didn't have cereal, then I'd have to sing my cereal song as well...

Neverseconds blog

I think this just shows how amazing the internet is, how great blogging is. Within a click a new idea just pops into your head! Development happens just like that!

Inspiring anyone?

I follow a few 'quirky' blogs

and it still grosses me out that they refer to 'God' for inspiration.

oh dear.


Hands up, It's just not for me.

Ouch

'Elizabeth Wurtzel, a writer from our generation, used a metaphor that she borrowed from Hemingway. Being insane, she said, was like Hemingway’s description of going bankrupt. In Hemingway’s novel The Sun Also Rises, a man is asked how he lost all his money. “…Two ways,” the man replies, “Gradually, and then suddenly.” That’s how it happened for me. I lost everything all at once, but it had taken years to get there.'

Kind'a cute

Don't lie, we all do it. It's like a third person.

I read this and thought of all the souls I'm missing out there. Read that as you wish.


'Talk to your Soul.

That’s right, just talk to It.

Start asking your Soul questions. You can simply say, “Hi, Soul. What’s your name?” And wait for your answer to come to you intuitively. It may not come to you immediately, but it will come to you, alright.

You can say, “Hey Soul, I need some assistance here. Can you please help me figure this out?” Your help will be on the way, I guarantee it.

You might also say, “I don’t know how to do this, Soul! Will you please do this for me?” Sometimes you can just put things right into your Soul’s capable hands. I do it all the time!

Your Soul is God. It’s a piece of God within you. When you connect with your Soul, there’s a heck of a lot of power that comes along with that.

Guess what else? Your Soul actually wants to connect with you. It wants to be known! It wants you to talk to it and ask it for help. It very much wants to be a part of your life.

And here’s the bonus (at least it was for me): Your Soul is not going to hold you to a strict meditation practice in order to be in a relationship with you. You can be a non-meditator and also be completely soulful.

Try this and see for yourself. It’s utterly mind-blowing, really. Once you get hooked, you’ll never turn back.

As for all those other health benefits you might miss out on by not meditating? Well, for that, I’m relying on green juice.'

Love and writing

This story just sums up the beautiful amazing wow, that the words we write can provide.

mmm bop! Time for breakfast

I hear ya

A cute blog I follow, on a lady who allowed herself a day :)

'I also discovered I was perfectly content to spend my free day by myself. (Save for an hour or so with two 18 month olds.) I don’t know if it’s my out-of-control anxiety mixed with my already introverted tendencies, but I have no desire to be around people lately. And when I am, I’m very quiet. I am happiest in the silence of my front yard in the mornings, or locked up in my bathroom with a book and a bubble bath at night. I’m trying not to dwell too much on this “I need to be alone” part of my life and I’m just embracing the fact that I need all this down time to let myself sort out my thoughts.'

"why are you sleeping?!"

Wake up.

Head adjusts... 'oh i'm horizontal and that dream wasn't real'

Time? 7.36am

Phew, a natural wake up today- should be ready for 5am start tomorrow.

Sun, birds (techno bird is about- the best one)

I tweet along with cup of tea in hand, scanning endless internet pages for research, inspiration (reading the news & blogs now seems like some sort of artistic gump)

Tummy rumbles and I start to imagine what to have for my favourite meal of the day.

and this. is. heaven.

Readership

I think I've figured out why writing on here is so easy- writing about anything, without much hesitation...

The readers are real, but the faces remain annonamous.

Publishing

An interesting article which caught my eye, based on a discussion which started in work.

Philosophy

Philosophy- the cure for depression.

Philosophers- are and were the depressed?

"I think you just have to say to yourself, fuck it, if people can't handle it, that's their problem. You still get people who belittle you for talking about depression etc, or who pity you. But so what. What are they doing with their lives?...

Since I've started speaking and writing about my experience of mental illness, a lot of my friends have quietly told me about their experience of depression, or panic attacks, or anxiety, and asked for a recommendation for a therapist or a good self-help book. Their emotional problems can be really scary experiences for them - just as it was for me when I was 18. But I hope it's slightly less scary if such experiences have been somewhat normalised, become more part of our general conversation, if the shame and terror around them has been slightly reduced, and if they know examples of people who have come through such experiences and not been permanently damaged...

He sees social anxiety as an illness of liberalism, without wishing away the society that goes with it. "I would say not that I'm recovered, but recovering," he says. "We're all socially anxious."


It's stuff like this which is helpful for everyone to read over, especially when you have those 'freaking out' days, you end up beating yourself down over.

Personal messages

I received a kind message, through facebook the other day. A person complimented my blog, the words which stay with me are:

'I'm sure it brings other people sanity knowing they're not the only one thinking these things'.


So, thank you! It's words like that which are some of the best motivational pieces to receive. Also, I think it just shows that more can be done towards 'safe' places and sactuaries for those that experience mental health and stressful times.

Plus, I hold back so much still when I write. Perhaps it's the kick up the arse to reveal even more. The courage comes from you.